1. Playing air guitar after you have graduated college and are not out and drunk off your ass is not cool.

2. Playing air guitar with the use of plastic props and colored dots on video games in the middle of your living room in front of the windows so the neighbors…no, so anyone can see you is also not cool.

3. Thinking that playing air guitar puts you on par with actual musicians is equally as uncool, it’s not the action of playing a guitar that we fall for guys, it’s the actual playing and the whole sensitive emo boy thing that adds to the swoon factor.

4. Even remotely thinking that prancing around like a devil possessed with a piece of molded plastic in your hands whilst attempting to sing (in broken lyrics I might add)  impresses a girl or gives you “status points” is a far fetched idea, so far fetched in fact that I have a bridge to sell you.

The point being guys that if you have a cats chance in hell of getting what you ultimately want from your girl acting like a prepubescent boy with or without your buddies is just not gonna cut it.

This is a house on a street perpendicular to mine, something a kin to the wicker man and the Blair Witch is going on in their yard and I am extremely compelled to find out what it is. The thing with this particular house; however, is that approximately once every two months they have a truck load of fertilizer dumped on the street in front of their house which they proceed to load in to their back yard where Techguy is convinced they are hiding bodies…seriously though who needs that much fertilizer?

If I mysteriously disappear following this post I demand that at least one of you follow up with the Wicker Man.